“The consciousness of my own imperfection implies a consciousness of perfection. Intuitively we know that if there’s such a thing as a relative goodness there’s such a thing as absolute goodness, and before that goodness we shrink and are afraid.”
– Elisabeth Elliott
In the Christian tradition, which I am a part of, the daily practice of confession allows me to bring personal unrighteousness—in thought, word, and deed—before God, who offers the undeserving gift of grace. This does not pardon my behavior or excuse me from taking further action, be that making personal amends, asking someone for forgiveness, or joining larger movements towards justice. But it does reorient the heart in ways I can’t explain.
For the first time in my life I’ve been bringing my role in upholding white supremacy before God in confession. I’m choosing to share these confessions because I believe we can only help bear one another’s burdens when they are known, but mostly because the only way I’ve ever found freedom to move forward is in the act of acknowledging past missteps, affirming repentance, and opening myself to the labor pain of transformation. Repentance, as I understand it, is a grand work, a big “turning around.” Drawing near to God in deep reverence and awe enables this grand turning to begin.
I believe white sisters and brothers cannot do what is necessary to transform our world until we begin this kind of critical inner-work. May this encourage you, white sojourner, to do a moral search of your own. May the truth set us all free. Peace.
Updated: June 12, 2020
I confess
I confess I’ve had the privilege to not think about race everyday
I confess the ways I’ve gained/capitalized off of Black oppression and suppression
I confess the ways I’ve sought out friendships with Black acquaintances from the safe distance of social media, restraining myself in ways that prevent the development of true, deeper relationships, that prevent me from learning about the actual lived experiences of Black people in America today
I confess the ways I’ve designed with a white people-group in mind, often imposing solutions into/onto communities without taking time to listen/understand
I confess the white savior mentality I’ve maintained when engaging in community development initiatives
I confess the ways I’ve carelessly selected white “experts” as advisors and consultants, often hiring people from existing networks rather than taking the time to seek out new voices
I confess the ways I’m tempted by perfectionism, orderliness, efficiency, and punctuality in professional settings and hold these same expectations over others
I confess the ways I’ve benefited from access to high-profile job opportunities, influence, capital, and trust because of my white skin
I confess the ways I’ve been advantaged when renting/buying home in neighborhoods of my choosing because of my white skin
I confess the ways I’ve failed to illuminate the problems with all white staffs and all white board of directors
I confess the ways my silence has upheld white supremacy
I confess the ways my complacency has upheld white supremacy
I confess the ways I’ve stayed comfortably on the sidelines of conversations about race/racism to maintain my own level of inner-peace and safety, failing to make any real commitment to enact change beyond my own learning, failing to engage in significant and transformational work to dismantle white supremacy
I confess the ways I’ve failed to love my Black sisters and brothers as I love myself
Lord, have Mercy. Christ, have Mercy.