The way through is down and in.
In January of 2019, I began a yearlong process of discernment—somewhat accidentally. At that point, I didn't really know what would unfold or even how the process would be different than any run-of-the-mill decision-making I’d done in the past. What I did know was that the job I’d had for six years, the work that moved my husband and me to Cincinnati, was coming to an end, and that I was beginning to sense rumblings of a new call. Without going too far down a rabbit-hole to unpack the word “calling,” I simply want to share what this felt like for me. The experience was one of noticing a gentle stirring in my heart, a prompt that had been there for a while and, now, something I was finally willing to give my attention to. When I imagined what this new pathway could look like—for me, I was feeling a growing desire to accompany people in their relationship with God—I noticed the way my heart fluttered with increasing intensity and the way joy, creativity, and peace were developing within me—which was especially odd considering all the questions and uncertainties I was holding at the same time. This quote by Howard Thurman has been shared at commencement ceremonies around the country, and I think it offers great wisdom for those seeking to know where, to whom, and to what they might be called:
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
For me, walking with people as they try to walk with God makes me come alive. So, here I am, 16-months later, attempting to explore precisely that.
But enough about me. What I really want to talk about is discernment. What is it and how can we practice it? A basic etymological search of the word tells us that discernment means “to set apart,” or “to recognize the distinction between two or more things.” I like Saint Ignatius’ definition which suggests discernment is a process of distinguishing between choices while consciously calling upon God for guidance. Ignatian spirituality teaches us to bring our decisions before God in prayer, asking Him to help us see as He sees and give us the wisdom we need to make choices in accordance to His will. Of course, we can make decisions all day without God. We have free will. But personally speaking, I want to live the best I can aligned with God’s plan for me and the rest of creation. So, when making big choices that involve questions of purpose, calling, or direction, I choose to look to God.
Ignatius outlined several rules and practices for discernment which are readily available to discover. For now, here are a few basic principles to reference as a primer:
God cares about our decisions and is active in our decision-making processes.
We can know God’s will but we can’t be sure that we know it perfectly. In fact, our decisions are not the ultimate goal—the goal is to grow in relationship with God.
God wants us to make good decisions, but we are often moved by competing forces: ones that pull us toward God and ones that push us away.
Our feelings can help in our discernment. (This can be controversial because many would rightly say that our emotions can be deceptive or troublesome, but there are practical ways of sorting through emotions to better notice the inner movements of feelings in our hearts).
Our reasoning minds, intellect, and sound analysis are part of discernment too.
We can learn to “read the signs” of daily life to help us know where God might be leading us.
I think it's probably obvious but still worth naming: good decision-making is difficult. Typically, when engaging in a process of discernment, we’re attempting to choose between two or more good or plausible options. To shoplift or not isn’t a decision that requires discernment. To determine if you should take the bus downtown or drive would not be a decision worth your discerning energy. Should I go to graduate school? Should our family move to a new neighborhood? How should I approach a conversation about a sensitive subject? Do I take on the new project being offered to me? These are the complex(er) questions of life where a process of noticing the inner movements of our hearts, reflecting upon experience, and seeking the guidance of God and others can be beneficial. Questions like these are the foodstuff for discernment.
For those interested in going a bit deeper with all this, I’ve recorded two reflections to explore. The first is a simple examen that invites you to explore what’s happening in your interior world. The second is a reflection that offers space for you to bring a specific decision before God and consciously seek His guidance. (Both were created with my local church community in mind, but I think people from various backgrounds and faith traditions can still find value).
Finally, it’s important to remember that discernment can be a long process that involves a lot of testing, trial and error, and sometimes as many closed doors as open ones. I want to encourage you, if you’re comfortable, to hold the process as a prayer. Take this opportunity, even in your doubts, even with your questions, despite lingering wounds or hurts, to bring yourself and your decisions before God. Open yourself to the still, small voice within you and ask for the grace to know God more intimately, love Him more fully, and draw nearer to Him more freely. In the meantime, know that I’m holding you, dear reader, in prayer and wishing many good blessings upon your journey.